Why don't I blog more often

Well my wife you see is such a great writer, that it is very difficult for me to express myself through writing. I tend to talk more, I hate to text, calling someone and actually speaking seems much more effective and I don't kill people by driving with my thumbs on the key pad. But here I am writing a new blog, maybe I will even trade some of my layout features, add something new, and feel creative once more. I will tell you that typing on my little Hp Mini is much easier than the Mac, I love the Mac, but the keyboard is way to big for me. I can only hope that Apple will create a smaller computer just for me. Things are crazy right now, our move to Italia growing near, preparing our things, packing, throwing away stuff, selling things on craigslist. We argued today and it was not pretty, life is fragile, she is fragile, and I am sensitive also. We could use your prayers if you read this blog. I know that God is good, that he is always on time with things; my timing still isn't and I know I need to learn more about how he moves in my life; in our lives Cristi, myself, and with our kids too! Our children are so unique, they are different from one another and this is beautiful, and with is comes the challenging task of meeting their individual needs. There is also the needs od Cristi, which in this transition are ever challegng for me to provide some stability, since we are in fact in limbo, of disconnecting here and not quite being connected in Torino. There is the subjsect of our support, visas, plane tickets, our luggage, getting everything sold and our house ready for our new tenants. I spent today reading the book of Judges, so very interesting it felt really good to enjoy the Bible, to read it through and keep going section after section, not getting tired or sleepy. But it is one strange discourse after another telling of Israel's rebellion and return to the Lord time and time again...Maybe i am like them in more ways then one, putting fleeces out before the Lord, he answers and I stand in unbelief then he pulls me closer and even when he answers, and though I keep moving forward it is hard to see and believe, help my un-belief. If you are doubting hold tight relief is coming, it's just around the next bend,,,,

It's been a while!

So I haven't blogged forever and I wish that there was a very good reason, but there isn't maybe because I feel I lack the skills to write.  Maybe it's the shadow I live in beneath my wife wife who's one of the most talented, raw, funny, thought provoking, moving, tear jerking writer's I know and am really Jealous of.  She types faster than she talks somewhere between the Matrix and Bruce almighty answering his e-mails, and well with my two finger poke and possibly three fingers not quite even using my thumbs.  Well here I am sitting here on the couch, the kids are with Cristina and their cousins and aunt down in B-town or Bloomington Indiana if you don't know the lingo.  Voice recognition software is on my brain I am wondering if I would actually use it or is just talk?  I ponder if it cold really aid me in my wanting to change my writing abilities, or is it mere imagination and just plain ego and self talk.  But with all actuality I crave the way I tell a story in public to carve that is writing whether on paper or e-ink to steal a phrase from Amazon, there is a part of me that desires to be more or to do more with the leisure time that is afforded me.  Like work on a masters program, re-write some notes from Moody where I studied the Bible, work on my Hebrew notes and work on parsing more.  I do take materials with me to my night job and read, but it's not as focused as I would like.  I actually miss the school environment with writing even though it's very difficult for me, I miss lectures and conversations about changing the world we live in, having dreams of what it might be like to teach at a college or university.   My wife is very supportive and loving, and she believes in me more than i believe in me.  I want to leave a legacy for my children and their children, a wild journey of adventure and trying all types of things that excite us as a family, whether moving to Italy to mentor future Pastors of house churches, or go for a picnic where we haven't ever gone before, fly a kite in a field.  Last week I brought out this pirate kite and put it together, we flew it out by a field by our house.  Keziah was afraid it would fly away, it didn't though, Elias really worked it controlling it with his tugs and pulls, I don't know what Ezzie was thinking he was busy being a monster or something that roars.  But latter that night Cristina told me that she really enjoyed us doing that.  She wanted a group picture of our feet together, even with Yah'-Yah's swollen foot with the doctors sharpie outline.  What is adventure?  We have such limited time here on this planet and yet we miss many moments that are ready to be discovered.  Elias is learning to read and he is an incredible artist and I don't want a mess, what is up with that; that I would stifle his imagination for cleanliness.  Keziah is loud a volume God given, and for peace and quite I would rob her and God of true Joy for peace!  God save me from me.  Creativity is beautiful, without fear, it's joyful, un-bashful.  But i have been civilized by cleanliness and words spoken to me as a child have come to rob my children of the crushed dreams and broken presents that were waiting to be opened through the imagination of my mind.  Will I grow world changers, who engage life in their own unique way, who love, dream, fight, con cour the world? or will I stifle their hopes and aspirations?  I pray not to, here is my confession for change.. I deeply love my family, My dear wife Cristina, God allowed me her to help me, aid me with all my clumsiness.  Indeed I am indebted to her.. I love you Cristina, May God richly bless you, for you have blessed me.

Today Training Wheels Come Off !

It's a new day I have my training wheels off, I just finished my training as a hospice chaplain.  Tomorrow will be my first day seeing patients flying solo, and let me tell you this is a little bit nervous for me; but I am working with a really excellent team of people that couldn't be a better fit for me and the chaplain that I will be working for, he's an excellent friend, mentor, fellow theologian, fellow sojourner, passionate about people and their journey through this place called earth.   I am excited to see how God will really use this to better equip me for Torino Italy this next June 2009.  Cristina and I have been preparing for next week, we will be going to team training. Lots of stress this week Elias started Kinder garden this past Monday, that has been really difficult for Cristina so if your reading this and think of it please pray for her she could use it.  She has been making home videos using imovie with our Mac, you know that last year we got this cool little video camera that totally connects to our usb port; man it's so easy she say's to make the videos by dragging them right into the program.  Maybe I will even start a video blog it's been a dream for a long time, because I so suck at writing with my fingers.    I am reading a few books currently, sex god by Rob Bell, surprised by hope N.T. Wright, and the book of Acts translated into Biblical Hebrew, I have been parsing a little each day.  I am not a great scholar but some days I really want to be!  As an artist I am deeply gripped by the way God moved upon Luke to write the way he did; and the influence Paul had on him.  Or maybe the way the journey had upon him and he had on others that were with them.  I really would like to see a better film of Acts; all though the film Peter and Paul is pretty good, Paul is played by Anthony Hopkins, and he's really supurb if you have not seen it it's worth renting.  But with all the technologies available and all these great movies that are either out or coming out; please let some of these biblical narratives come to life really is my prayer.   Recently I was told about this great web site JesusCreed.org it is very worth checking out, some various other blogs and this is why I am blogging right now.  I pray if you read this that you will add praying for me to write and paint too.  many of you know that I was badly burned back in October of last year, and as that anniversary date approaches I am sure nervous about that day and have great anxiety about it. I sure fell that I lost some things in that fire; I don't or rather haven't really painted since that time and have suffered not having creativity like I had before October 17.  Only recently have I played the guitar for fun and sung my old song or praise and worship, I haven't written any poems or songs since then not even for Cristina my beautiful wife.  Nothing incredible or  what I would refer to as life giving that I know recharges me to create, things that I know make me more loving and caring, more life giving to others.  Not to complain to much I have been teaching, mentoring, growing, but not as what I would call and artist.  Maybe this is just a new phase of life that I must resolve to grow into and understand.  I could use prayer in loving my older brother Rob, giving my pain to Jesus and allowing that to be finished; in Jesus' own words only to release myself to love in that forgiveness.  May God bless you all may his words be on your lips when you awake in the morning, may newness refresh you, may you delight your self in him and in others who bare his image.

Italy in view

Life is crazy as we are getting to the under the year marker, I read Cristi's blog and a few others and see how I neglect my own blog with not writing daily thoughts.  Last week I had written a whole message and some how it was lost in cyber space. So here I am writing while kids are running, playing, and screaming through our house, out side they go, the cousins are here today and oh what fun it is to see them all be crazy together.  I have been told people actually read this so I hope this isn't to disappointing, a friend of mine is in India Barry desires to stop the caste system.  I will put a link to his blog.  God has been so faithful to us to provide for our needs, yet we sometimes complain because we have wants as well as needs.  There has been a test for our faith and it is good to grow but at times it is weary on us, we all are made for community and when in community are needs are met as we share our weariness.  I hope that others are sharing their burdens with each other, we cannot do it alone for we are so frail and an easy target when alone and left to ourselves.  May God be with you always!