It's been a while!

So I haven't blogged forever and I wish that there was a very good reason, but there isn't maybe because I feel I lack the skills to write.  Maybe it's the shadow I live in beneath my wife wife who's one of the most talented, raw, funny, thought provoking, moving, tear jerking writer's I know and am really Jealous of.  She types faster than she talks somewhere between the Matrix and Bruce almighty answering his e-mails, and well with my two finger poke and possibly three fingers not quite even using my thumbs.  Well here I am sitting here on the couch, the kids are with Cristina and their cousins and aunt down in B-town or Bloomington Indiana if you don't know the lingo.  Voice recognition software is on my brain I am wondering if I would actually use it or is just talk?  I ponder if it cold really aid me in my wanting to change my writing abilities, or is it mere imagination and just plain ego and self talk.  But with all actuality I crave the way I tell a story in public to carve that is writing whether on paper or e-ink to steal a phrase from Amazon, there is a part of me that desires to be more or to do more with the leisure time that is afforded me.  Like work on a masters program, re-write some notes from Moody where I studied the Bible, work on my Hebrew notes and work on parsing more.  I do take materials with me to my night job and read, but it's not as focused as I would like.  I actually miss the school environment with writing even though it's very difficult for me, I miss lectures and conversations about changing the world we live in, having dreams of what it might be like to teach at a college or university.   My wife is very supportive and loving, and she believes in me more than i believe in me.  I want to leave a legacy for my children and their children, a wild journey of adventure and trying all types of things that excite us as a family, whether moving to Italy to mentor future Pastors of house churches, or go for a picnic where we haven't ever gone before, fly a kite in a field.  Last week I brought out this pirate kite and put it together, we flew it out by a field by our house.  Keziah was afraid it would fly away, it didn't though, Elias really worked it controlling it with his tugs and pulls, I don't know what Ezzie was thinking he was busy being a monster or something that roars.  But latter that night Cristina told me that she really enjoyed us doing that.  She wanted a group picture of our feet together, even with Yah'-Yah's swollen foot with the doctors sharpie outline.  What is adventure?  We have such limited time here on this planet and yet we miss many moments that are ready to be discovered.  Elias is learning to read and he is an incredible artist and I don't want a mess, what is up with that; that I would stifle his imagination for cleanliness.  Keziah is loud a volume God given, and for peace and quite I would rob her and God of true Joy for peace!  God save me from me.  Creativity is beautiful, without fear, it's joyful, un-bashful.  But i have been civilized by cleanliness and words spoken to me as a child have come to rob my children of the crushed dreams and broken presents that were waiting to be opened through the imagination of my mind.  Will I grow world changers, who engage life in their own unique way, who love, dream, fight, con cour the world? or will I stifle their hopes and aspirations?  I pray not to, here is my confession for change.. I deeply love my family, My dear wife Cristina, God allowed me her to help me, aid me with all my clumsiness.  Indeed I am indebted to her.. I love you Cristina, May God richly bless you, for you have blessed me.