Dinner with Dave

It's late and I am in the process of reading "Soul Graffiti" and there are some really good parts, but I am just not into it fully maybe I just feel bad because I question myself whether or not I am trying to find a God something out side of the Bible.  Or that I am just seeking another Christian book that someone recommended, and with all honesty also purchased for me through Amazon.  So here I am at page 52 and I am not disappointed but not sure where I sit in all of it, my prognosis of my spiritual development is not based on a book or people around me.  I simply have trusted God, more accurately I have tried to follow Jesus surrendering when I can, jumping head long into walls thinking I am following Jesus; still other times running like hell to get away only to fall into his trap every time.  I am no longer mad about him burning me with fire!  I can really see that he has a good work yet to bring out of this.  Tonight I had dinner with my friend Dave, he's a mentor, father without the baggage, and I never lived with him and his wife; but I had dinners with them on  occasion.  He has seen every phase of my adult Christ following journey, and from an outside of myself perspective; this gives me insights into the journey that I could not possibly see other wise.  We always play catch up first, then talk about life marriage, how lucky we are to have the woman God has given us, he always reminds me that God has been very gracious to me by given Cristi to help me in this world.  I am less guarded, even more open, he likes me, and I know he really prays for me when he thinks of me.  I know that I have driven him crazy before more than once, but he is still faithful to make time for me; and this has been one of the most gracious gifts God has given me.  Tonight very nice things were said of me, as if God sat down and had dinner with his son and had some small talk, then of the kingdom, his heart on the poor and orphaned in Africa with the aids situation.  It wasn't sad or melancholy which is odd for I have been depressed since Oct 16th the day of my burning.  Now I know Dave isn't any more holy than you and I, and there have been times that distance didn't allow for me to see him.  I am not dependent on him, nor worship him; because frankly I don't but I do love him and respect him, and have learned allot from the questions he has asked me or thoughts that he has probed.  Tonight I heard yet again of his own growth, journey, his pilgrimage to not settle for less but to seek to the kingdom that Jesus talked about that's here all around us.  I feel believed in, enough to go seek that kingdom to believe it is possible bring it about, to experience it, to give it away, or bring people in, to go to the high ways and by ways, calling to all who desire to come in; all who are hungry and thirsty for righteousness.  I thank God for his gifts, what's more than that i was able to speak with Mike from Chicago and talk with him and even share my dinner with Dave,  though our conversation didn't go supper deep; I feel greatly connected with Mike, we fought right before the accident and it was stupid; I even said I wasn't going to be his friend any more.  But Mike slept on a not so lazy boy for me he pushed my morphine button so I would sleep through the night.  He read to me out loud and he wouldn't even do that for himself,  because he likes to read inside his head it's faster and more fluid.  Yet he read to me even when I was half asleep, and I liked it!  Mike is who I go smoke a pipe with, like old men we take turns either saying stupid or profound things; like those in special books being read by scholars of old with a tall pint in their hand.  Around a small fire we spill ourselves out like a drink offering, the good, the bad and ugly, but the beautiful exotic wonder and the humanness of it all.  I think he and I will be friends for along time his faithfulness of those days in the hospital were essential for my survival.  There were days i thought I would die or that I wanted to go and be with Jesus.  Mike and I are close so is my wife with his wife and our kids too, my children pray specifically for his, they miss them badly and at time just want to be back at home in Chicago.  All this in a small blog.  May God turn ashes into new morning joy